About the halfway mark of not finding a church to call home, we heard many well-meaning encouragements to consider finding a church for our children. Every time I heard this comment either first hand or second hand, I couldn’t help but ask, “why?” Specifically, what is the unspoken expectation or benefit these “Christians” believe my kids will experience in attending church weekly? Safety? I’m pretty sure that’s not a guarantee given the number of sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse cases in churches on the rise. Manners? What sort of manners will they learn from church? How to pretend and live dichotomous lives? Morals? According to who?
When I asked trusted friends why they think people tell us to find a church for our children, they offered, “perhaps it was the indirect way to encourage us to find a church soon.” I nodded my head in understanding, but also rolled my eyes. This is the exact passive toxicity that I can do without. If I’m going to be part of a “church” community, I want to be part of one who at least tries to be honest and say what they actually mean instead of using church language to coat the real sentiment. It is this sort of “holy toxicity”1 that I don’t want to expose my children to anymore.
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