I miss church. When I first expressed this sentiment a month after our departure from church in Spring 2023, a good friend asked, “what do you miss about it?” At the time, I didn’t know how to answer this question succinctly. Because I thought the answer should be obvious. As a church-going Christian since I was ten, not being part of a church felt completely disorienting. I missed that reliable rhythm of “meeting with God” every week. But if I knew that I didn’t have to attend church to meet with God,1 and I had taken the leap to not play “nice” Christian” anymore, then what did I actually miss about church?
After a few days of reflecting, I tried to answer why I missed church a bit more honestly. Sheepishly, I admit that: 1) I missed the feeling of being a part of something bigger than myself. 2) I missed the feeling that I was doing the “right” thing. Even though the last ten years of attending church had left me feeling sidelined2 or having to work triple hard to “serve,”3 I told myself that simply showing up was being faithful to God and part of the discipline to carve weekly space for God and for the community I should trust to “build God’s kingdom” with. 3) At the bare minimum, attending church weekly gave me a sense that I had “friends”- people I could possibly hang out with for the day. Because really, during the day to day grind of “adult-ing” - “hanging out with friends” is rarely a part of the daily routine like it was in college or life before kids.
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